To trust and trust not
by ilexx
Summary: Short scene set at the end of season 4's Gordian Maze episode.


Set right after season 4's episode „Trust the Gordian Maze"

Disclaimer: I don't owe them, and I don't make any money out of them (sadly enough).

**To trust or trust not**

Beka loved the evening watch. The ship was always quiet, when she was through with it, the officers' mess almost deserted, hydroponics empty, all gyms quite free, the Obs deck at her disposal only. Usually...

She hesitated slightly upon entering the spacious, elegantly designed hall with its enormous panoramic window. On her way down, she had picked up some sandwiches and a cup of hot cocoa she now was balancing with care. Normally, she would quickly have walked over to the bench in front of the window, where she always used to settle down for her late supper. Tonight though, it was already taken.

„I'd like to be alone, if you don't mind," he said, his head turned slightly to the side in her direction, yet not that much so that he could have actually seen her.

„Of course," she answered promptly, „Captain's privilege, I guess..." She turned around to leave.

„Beka!" he exclaimed, scrambling to his feet and turning towards her. „I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was you..."

She frowned. Normally, he would have recognized her steps all along. Normally, he wouldn't have driven another crew member out of Obs deck for his personal want of privacy. Normally, he... A look into his face stopped her musings about what would have happened, normally. Tonight, nothing was normal.

She had meant to respect his request and go, but having seen his eyes she thought better of it. Approaching the bench, she gently laid down her load and sat, her hand patting the seat next to her lightly.

„Sit down, Dylan."

He ran a hand through his hair at the back of his neck.

„I don't know..." he uttered, „I think, I'd rather..." His eyes were roaming about, looking everywhere but at her.

„Dylan, do sit down," she once more urged him, her voice less gentle this time. He finally met her gaze and stood there for a moment, an unidentifiable expression on his face, before he nodded and complied.

„Want a sandwich?" she asked casually, shoving the plate nearer to him.

„No, thank you," he refused in a low voice, before clearing his throat. „I'm not really hungry."

„Well, I am." She grabbed herself a sandwich and started chewing slowly. „It's funny," she then said, after swallowing the first bite, „how differently people do react to such things. Me, I can't stop eating, when I ache..."

He had sat down and rested his elbows on his knees, his head hanging low between his shoulders, but now he peered into her face, inquisitively. Meeting her open, straight expression, he then shrugged and straightened himself up.

„I just keep asking myself, if there was something I should... I could have done differently..."

„Like what?"

„I don't know... Like really trusting Indra... Like giving her a real copy of the map... or at least a way out of the maze..."

„Trust her, no matter what, and to hell with the real Commonwealth, the fight against the Worldship, everything you believe in?"

„Maybe I didn't explain enough..."

„I'm sure you did. But I'm also sure that her mind was set from the beginning. She could have chosen differently, yet she didn't even stop to think."

„She was afraid, terrified really of the Magog... They wiped out her entire family, her friends, when she was but ten."

„Or so she told you," Beka dryly said.

„You think it was a lie?"

She merely shrugged.

„I don't think I care. I don't think it matters. Childhood is a dangerous place, for everyone. People don't make it out of it unharmed."

„I did," Dylan quietly replied. Beka smiled.

„Those were the days, my friend..." she sadly teased. „You are from other times..." Her hand reached out and touched his shoulder. „No matter what the past has brought one, sooner or later everybody is his or her own man or woman. You have to make your choices based on what is now. And what was then is mostly nothing but a lame excuse, when you choose poorly."

He didn't seem convinced. She sighed.

„Tell you something: I was seven, when my mother left. When I was eleven, Daddy and Sid broke up. My father was already an addict then. One year later, Rafe couldn't stand it any more. And left, as well. When I was seventeen, Ignatius Valentine was but a shadow of his former self. I had to care for him, our crew, the _Maru_. Then he died, the others left, and I had nothing but a rusty ship, a lot of debts and first hand experience in smuggling. So I smuggled, ran cargo, did some salvage, also. But mostly, I just smuggled. Every time around I promised that it would be the last, and every time around I went a little further, bent the rules a little more, hurt more people, broke the law, hooked up with thieves, and crooks and liars, telling myself it was alright, that the laws were bad, the people I hurt stupid, and that the brutes I hung around with were actually nice men, quite loveable in fact, who just happened to have a little bit of bad luck." She openly met his eyes, that were contemplating her with a saddened look.

„I'm sorry," he told her.

„Don't be. It's long over. Anyway," she then continued, „I got myself a crew again, and then I met this guy..." She smiled, seemingly lost in memories. „He was so strong-willed, so determined, had high ideals, was witty, and brave and smart and charming... and considerate... He showed me different ways to think, to live, presented me with choices: to stop lying, to stop stealing, to do better. And I did."

„Sounds like Mr Perfect..." Dylan said, a little envious.

„Hardly," Beka admitted. „In the end he turned out to be stubborn, single-minded, self-centered, sometimes ruthless, often selfish... When I noticed, I could have turned around, go back to my old ways, choose poorly."

„You didn't," Dylan nodded.

„No, I didn't. The others open paths; it's up to us, which one we follow, which path-finder we trust most. And in the long run all that matters, is that we trust ourselves."

She gracefully stood up and took her dishes.

„I think, I'll grant you now the privacy you wanted," she said lightly, bending down to him and placing a featherlight kiss on his cheek. „Don't worry, Dylan. It'll pass, eventually. You're going to be just fine. Good night."

„This guy," he called her back, watching her slender frame withdraw towards the doors. „What happened to him?"

She turned around and offered him the radiant, wide smile he had come to cherish.

„Why, nothing," she replied. „He's still around. I just can't seem able to get rid of him since the day I pulled him out of a black hole."

He usually was quick, but not that quick. Before he could reply, Beka had already disappeared, his words reaching but the vacant space she had left behind.

„I trust **you**!" Tears, of grief, of sorrow, but mostly of gratitude - he was forced to admit - welled up in his eyes, as he realized that she hadn't heard him. But then, it didn't matter. She already knew.

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Hope you enjoy it. Please r&r.


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